Red Line, Los Angeles, Rush Hour
Looks like Zack Morris needs a timeout.
Red Line, Los Angeles, Rush Hour
Looks like Zack Morris needs a timeout.
When The Muppets came back to our screens in 2011, they begged one fundamental question - does the world still need the Muppets?
Three years later, you might think that Rob Thomas, Kristen Bell, and all the rest of the ‘09-ers are wondering the same thing - does the world still need Veronica Mars? Or is this fan-funded film just one last ride in the saddle for old time’s sake?
Of course the difference between Kermit and Veronica is that Mars isn’t out to take the world by storm, just the fans who brought her back from her long absence. Right?
This is for an experiment. Please help.
LOL… I can’t imagine anyone not knowing, but I’m a bit older…
Me! I know!
Are you even fucking kidding me right now, children of Tumblr?
Children of tumblr = 20-21 year olds who would have been born AFTER this movie was released. Yeah. Jesus take the fucking wheel, I’m dying of extreme old age over here, fuck.
Parents, teachers, the parents of friends, you name it.
mmm, my last name is very obviously and inescapably Polish. almost every ‘dumb Polack’ joke I ever heard, I heard from my 5th grade teacher—told at my expense, in front of other students.
The parents of other kids routinely mistook me for a boy, and when I corrected them, it was always “Really?” or “how was I supposed to know? or the always-popular “whatever.”
My first grade teacher frequently singled me out as being the class idiot and would actually tell people to laugh at me, because it was what I deserved. I spent the rest of my public school career being beat up regularly thanks to her, and I’ll never forget it.
I call this one “Universal Love Song”. Feel free to get in touch if you want to use it in either your big budget Hollywood picture or your quirky indie romance!
Not long ago, a bisexual friend of mine living in Memphis was messaged on a dating website by a woman who listed herself as straight. Recognizing the woes that come of being outwardly bi on a dating site, my friend just assumed the girl wanted to keep that side of herself private. And, hey, this girl was cute, they had dovetailing interests, so why not, right?
Well the “date” was a waste. The woman in question was, in fact, straight and even had a long-distance boyfriend. So, bewildered and kind of annoyed, my friend called it a bust and moved on.
Then this article came out.
It turned out, that this woman, Kerry Crawford, is a journalist and was researching online dating for an article she wanted to write. She never told my friend this. So far as we know, she never told any of the people she’d gone out on a date with.
Now, I don’t know Kerry Crawford at all. She may be a lovely person. But this article she wrote is the definition of bad journalism and the way she researched it is entirely unethical.
But it’s important that we define exactly why this is not how you journalism.
The most obvious journalistic problem is that Kerry came in with a very clear bias which she used as her hypothesis (that online dating is inferior to dating “in real life”). She at no point makes any effort to disprove her own theory. It’s almost as if Kerry specifically sought out things that would prove her assumption.
The second problem is that, according to my friend, Kerry was already dating someone while conducting her research. So she wasn’t actually open to dating any of the people she went out with — again she seemed only to be conducting research to prove her assumption. I can’t imagine she was very surprised when she discovered she wasn’t interested in another woman since SHE’S STRAIGHT.
But that’s just why the article isn’t very good. And, hey, that happens. I’m an online journalist, too, and I’ve put out some less-than-stellar work to hit a deadline. Sometimes things happen.
The ethical problem here, though, is less understandable. Had Kerry told her dates that she was doing this for research, then there would be no problem beyond the fact that she kind of stacked the deck to prove her own point. But, instead, Kerry kept that particular fact to herself. Then she used what little data she’d amassed without anyone’s permission.
And the real irony is that Kerry wasn’t even entirely off-base at first. Dating in Memphis (whether online or not) can be difficult if you don’t fit a certain type. And there are plenty of people in Memphis who aren’t getting any younger and are beginning to worry they won’t be able to find someone to share their lives with.
After the article was posted, my friend contacted Kerry both in the article and on Twitter because she was upset that she’d been used. Someone at the publication, the Memphis Flyer, deleted almost all the comments pointing out the unethical nature of Kerry’s research including the one written by my friend. Kerry did apologize on Twitter, but not in any meaningful way that showed she understood why what she’d done was wrong.
It’s also worth noting that Kerry never even mentions in her article that she went out on a date with a woman, which raises all sorts of other questions that you may feel free to speculate on at your leisure.
The bottom line is this — if Kerry had been honest from the get go, she probably would have gotten some really compelling data she could have used to write a truly comprehensive article. Hell, she could have contacted people for the study online and “in real life”. She might have even learned something!
But she didn’t. She lied. She wasted peoples’ time, emotional energy, and money. And that sucks. Because dating is really, really hard. Especially if you’re a thirty-something queer in Tennessee.
There are lots of ways to process the seemingly insurmountable grief that comes from losing someone you love. And while most are valid, and all are understandable, there is one thing you must never, ever do.
Don’t blame yourself.
It might sound obvious, but the human brain is surprisingly stupid for such an intricate and complex piece of equipment. Sometimes it only takes one incomputable fact to send those firing synapses into a feedback loop.
Your brain wants a pattern, a puzzle it can solve. It wants to make sense of all the things. And, really, we all want to feel like we have control, that we can overcome anything if only we try hard enough.
And then your friend kills themselves and the artifice of us all being the heroes in some kind of grand narrative gets completely blown to hell.
So your brain does its thing, it tries to compensate, tries to take this seemingly impossible and horrible thing and work it into the narrative of control.
That impulse? Fight it. Because therein lies the path to madness.
Because, in your effort to regain control you will do the one thing you should never ever do — you will blame yourself. You will search for the moment when you cut right when you should have swerved left instead, you’ll question all the things you said and you’ll question the things you didn’t even more.
You’ll convince yourself that you’re the villain because you let this horrible thing happen. And it will destroy you.
It may not sound like much better, but embrace this truth and believe it — you cannot save people, and that is okay. Because you can still love them, be there for them, share all the highs and lows for whatever time you get. You can be grateful and sorrowful, you can help the people falling apart around you and let them help you when you can’t keep it together anymore. And you can carry the spirit of the people you’ve lost with you for the rest of your life. Let that be enough, because it is, you know.
But don’t blame yourself. Because this? This is not your fault.